How many times, standing before your wardrobe, you have seen yourself confused as to what to wear? Which dress to choose, today? At a shop, how many times did you ask your companion whether or not this colour would suit you? If you are married and had your wife not been with you, you would have never been able to choose many a things? She is a real angel with you to make you look strikingly well dressed. These are very minor decisions and you find that deciding either way causes you headache. And if you are asked to choose for your wife, even colour matching will send you boiling. I have seen many husbands getting out of the shop where their wives are choosing, on the pretext of smoking or calling on a nearby friend. Men, by nature, are more impatient, restless than women. The endurance levels of women are much higher than that of men. That is why they can bear a husband like you. Nature has probably made them so. Their earthy nature makes them more tolerant, patient and forbearing. Woman might take a little more time to decide, to choose, but they do. Man can have a sense of satisfaction by saying that he is the boss but not without the permission of his wife. Woman is the ultimate deciding factor, in man’s life.
Frustrating job
You feel a sort of frustration while deciding, choosing. You always wish if some one else can decide for you and you feel relieved. Some one has taken your worries. Deep down it denotes that you do not want to be responsible for even your own actions. You get a sense of satisfaction, if some other person takes on your conscientiousness. You can sit pleased and relax comfortably. It is not that the decision taken by others does not cause frustration. It may be more, but you can comfortably pass on the buck, as you were not a part of it. It has been happening for so many years that people have stopped taking decisions.
The same goes on for other matters too. Others are deciding even very intimate matters related directly to you. Others decide for your education, career, and clothes, even your wife or husband. You need assurances of others for your life. How many times have you bothered to go to polling booth to vote to elect your area representative? Once the governments do not work, rather in third world countries governments literally don’t work and you curse the total system sitting in your drawing room or in coffee house. I have seen people howling on politicians, bureaucracy and all the systems, even when they have gone for a walk in parks. All their niceties boil to abusiveness for the people who are managing their life. The masters- be it religious or political, are criticized in parks. You go to a park for tranquil atmosphere, for the serenity but you start causing pollution there, by vomiting out rubbish on system and everything of the world. You never became a part of the democratic process of decision-making and now you cry foul, lament, as the world is getting morally corrupt. Do you have a right to fume at them, now? Your indecisiveness causes you hypertension. Again, it is you who is the sufferer. You are the one who gave reins of your life to the people you are abusing now.
On the one hand you wish to go with others who take decisions for you; on your behalf and on the other hand you cry at their decisions. Why it is so? Had you decided yourself, there might have been some introspection, sometime and it might help the future decisions.
Of Sheep and Goats
This sheep mentality is not a new happening. The society, the politician and the religion have given it to humanity for their selfish interest. You are given trodden paths to walk. Every thing is prerecorded for you. You are brought up in a way to be a non- entity. Even before conception, you had been baptized. You had been named a Hindu or Christian or Muslim. You are not supposed to oppose, or raise your voice. You are not to question. You are here to follow like sheep and goats. You had been taught to remain shut up. Your parents, teachers, bosses and politicians do not allow you to speak. You are outcaste if you dare utter not in tune with the laid down system of each society and nation. Each society has coined very beautiful yet humiliating words like coward, conspirator, traitor and sinner. A sense of guilt is inherently created. A fear of hell is given right at the beginning, lest you start behaving at your own. Mad, deranged, rebel and many more such words are ready to be used. Most interesting point is that all these words were used for the very same people whom today’s religionists are following. They were stoned, crucified, poisoned and hanged. It can be your fate too, if you do not comply. This deep fear has been instrumental in creating this situation where you are worried about even small personal decisions like making love or masturbation; worshiping an idol or not; attending Sunday prayer and likes of that.
You are tuned to listen and obey. This has resulted in traumatic condition wherein either you do not know what to do or you draw a sadistic pleasure in your own silence. Your reflexes, your inner voice- conscious has been consciously blocked. You are given to feel relaxed in non-decisiveness. Everything is chosen for you, decided for you- your name, your religion, your behavioral pattern and even your own life.
Choose from the nature’s abundance
Nature has granted you wide choices, but you fail to choose and then blame your luck or stars or what ever you can find to rest your failures upon. The lap of nature, you have come out from is so bountiful, so full that all the choices, spread like stars in sky, are created for you. You are the master to choose from. You are the decision maker. But unfortunately, you are acting like a slave; you have given charges of your life to others. You could have bloomed and danced like a God’s son, but living in miseries becomes your providence.
You do not wish to be you; you do not look at your inner self, and an independent authority of your being. Though the nature has created a different identity in you. The beauty of the nature, the God is that it does not repeat. You are unique; not part of the flock, though you may look like others you are not alike. Try watching two flowers of the same tree- little closely. Watch both and you will be surprised to note that they are dissimilar in all the aspects- the size, the veins running within, the shape. Though it looked same initially but closer watch or watching closely is the key word.
You want to be similar. But basically you are different from others. God has created everyone with an apparent distinction. No two persons are alike. Creator wanted it that way only, but the society has made a sheep out of a man. You have been given a nation, a religion, and a personality by the parents or society. It becomes easy to rule the masses. Same set of rules, religious rituals, books, and clothes. And the biggest paradox for the mankind is that you are not even allowed to choose your own religion or faith. It comes to you by chance and you implement it, blindly. Your family thrusts it upon you and you start following like a sheep.
Imagine if a child is born to a Hindu family and some child lifter or mid wife takes him or her to a Muslim family across the border. What religion he or she is going to have? Will he hate or love Hindu ethos? It is a million dollar question. He may grow up to fight and hate the very womb; he has remained in for nine months. He may not shirk an inch to stab a nine inches long knife in the same womb. Where is the real religion, then? You must not forget that no religious saint or messiah or son of the God has ever spoken ill about others. They were all essence of universal love, brotherhood, non- violence and compassion. All sacrificed their life defending their tormentors, killers. They could see no difference between the two. The killers were also sons of the same God. Then who is propagating sacrifice of sheep and goats, killing innocent people in the name of religion and nations? It cannot be ordinary people, at least. Try finding right answer to this pertinent question. You are to decide, not your leaders. They have a selfish interest in killings. Governments survive on hatred and wars. Keeping their boundaries of rule expanding at your cost.
Fear of failure
Probably, the scare of failures or being left alone that has been entrenched so deep in your personality, hold you from making a decision. It stops you to make choices. You remain puzzled, even undecided on small matters. You had been transformed into a follower, while you are born to lead. You had been educated to be docile, a meek. Each of God’s creation is born with a freedom to live idiosyncratically. You had been given a predefined program to make your own choices, to live your own way, by the nature. A flower does not ask other when to bloom. A seed that decides to tear apart the mighty earth, comes out of it to grow as an independent tree.
But humanity has been turned into herd and infertile land where flowers of love, freedom seldom bloom. This practice is in use for last many centuries, rather a terrible result of modern civilization. Society does not want people who can decide independently. A set rules and norms have been handed over to you in the shape of religion, school, etiquettes, society. You are supposed to be a follower. Not a chooser. That is the way you have grown up. That is how systems of all the nations work. You are supposed to be a part of slavery system. You have to be with masses, follow others and thus loose your identity and choices.
The fear of failure! Have you studied the life of successful people? They failed innumerable times, before accomplishing the success mark. Edison named his failures as ‘thousands of ways that did not work.’ History books are full of such people who decided about their own path. Failures never deterred them. They did what their conscious asked them to do. All successful people enjoyed their failures too. While you want to spare your self of the pleasures of failures to the fear of failure.
You want to rise without falling. That is not possible. Natural rules cannot be changed. The law of nature that governs us is by nature a wavy phenomena; it is never straight. Have you seen the climbers? You are to bow to climb a mountain. One needs to choose as per the altitude. You want to climb straight. That is un-natural. Unless you bow, bend and make amends, you cannot rise. Water has to get boiled to rising vapors, if it needs to touch sky. You will succeed after having tasted the fruits of failures. Having mind set to face what so ever comes the way, will strengthen your capacity to choose.
You are to choose- this way or that way. The process of falling and standing again has to be completed. That is the way life moves. Everything of universe moves in circular fashion. And in a circle the outlook is where you are. Don’t you think many a times your indecisiveness has caused you more problem, than if you would have chosen one out of the many choices available at that time. Unfortunately everyone wants the best. Best was not available at the time of your choosing, but you could have made best out of the available. The choice is always from the existing. It cannot be dreamy. By not choosing, by not being aware of the fundamental that choice, decision has to be from the existence. You missed. You missed many opportunities, because you did not decide.
Life is multi way process
Your anxiety to have the result before the action is the main pitfall. This has never happened. Results are the result of an action. It can never precede the action, the choice. You cannot anticipate it also. Life is not mathematics. In life, two plus two can be anything from zero to infinite. It is life and moves at its own pace. The same rules do not apply to all of us.
Just decide and go in action, is the way of living life. Choices are abundant. Choose any one and make it your own choice, live with it with full sincerity. Make doubly sure that now it is your choice- you are the architect of this choice. You are to nurture it, nourish it to see that it goes the way you wish. Do not listen to other’s views. Now it is your life, your decision, and your choice. You choose to live your way, your own style.
Every choice does have certain limiting factor too. If you decide one way, you will at least put into action your plans. Once decided, do not look to others. Others never want you to succeed. They are also like you- full of jealousy. They are like sweet-coated bitter pills. They might come to you to assess you.
Now, even if you fail, you will not blame others. You are aware that seed of success lies in failures. Rather you will start enjoying it.
Life is your choice, live is fully by choosing and not allowing it to happen to you.
Author: Narendra Grover
